Boundaries are the new self-care. When facemasks and bubble baths don’t quite cut it.
The level of self-care I am proposing is radical. It may even seem downright ruthless to some. It’s not the pretty, aesthetic looking self-care, skin care regimen with the pink fizzy, probiotic drink next to it. It’s not an overpriced Starbuck’s coffee on your way to lululemon because you are going to start doing yoga. I am not against these things; I am not against facemasks and bubble baths. Quite the contrary, however, the level of selfcare I am talking about is not skin deep. It is life altering. It’s not for the faint of heart, its for the broken hearted.
It looks like boundaries, set in stone, not drawn in the sand. It looks like saying no. Repeatedly. Screaming it sometimes. It looks like leaving, without saying goodbye, just walking away. It looks like endings, of relationships, of habits, of ways of doing things. It looks like the prioritization of your needs. It looks like doing the hard thing because you know it’s the right thing. It looks like consistency knowing that doing it once will not change your life but doing it regularly over time will, and you don’t even know what that could look or feel like yet. It looks like choosing your future self over the current circumstance. It looks like having faith and trusting in someone that has consistently let you down time and time again – yourself.
This sort of self-care will absolutely change your life in ways that you cannot imagine. Deciding to use discernment, defaulting to self over the desire to not upset or create discomfort in others around you, and sometimes even yourself. This is radical, and ruthless and dare I say it? Selfish. Yes, I am asking you to be fucking selfish. I am asking you to put yourself before everyone and everything in your life. Trust me when I say, if you don’t do it, nobody else will either. And this level of self-care may very well cost you everything. Relationships, jobs, the false sense of security you have given yourself. It will dismantle your perception of reality and make you question who and what you are. That’s when you know you’re doing it right. It will break you down piece by piece, so all that is left is the truth that is your bones. The structure of which you were designed before life and society added all the false flesh and fat that takes up space in the world that made you. When you realize these things are mirror images of each other, and the glass breaks and all that is left is the truth, you begin to realize that you can rebuild yourself in any way, shape, or form you desire. And the world that you create in this process will be a direct reflection of the person you become.
I advocate for this not because it is easy, but because it is necessary. I believe that we all have a purpose here in this world, we all have natural gifts, talents, and abilities to support our purpose. When we choose ourselves and move towards the things that bring us joy and make us feel alive, we enter into the full expression of who we are meant to be. We find alignment within ourselves and in our lives, we begin to attract the people, places, events, and circumstances that are in alignment with us, and this magical unfolding of a new world begins to happen. A world in which our needs and desires are met with ease and fulfillment. Life doesn’t feel so hard and so heavy anymore. You go to bed at night looking forward to the morning. These are brave folks. Traveling unchartered waters, not knowing what is in store. But all have found treasures on their journey, namely in the form of themselves.
If there is one thing I know to be absolutely true, it is that the world needs more lovers and healers. So cultivate a life in which you are loved and healed and radiate that by being the full expression of who you are. This is the self-care that I speak of.
